Quest For Flat Chicks

We headed out on the motorbikes towards Arizona around 6pm.  WillyD took the lead and I and V.D. were next, followed by B.B. and Carol in the chase vehicle.  I was really hoping to find myself a flat chick someplace along the way.

V.D thought there might be a nice flat chick in this vending machine.  Snow white and a few hot chicks were there, along with some slutty tatoo gals, but Flat Wooley has never paid for a girl, and never will, so I told WillyD and V.D. to take the quarters and shove them up their asses.

Here I am hanging out with my two new road compadres.  We had burnt almost 200 miles of asphalt at this point.  The weather wasn't bad at all.  I was trying to sit my ass down, but for some reason these two dirt heads made me stand the whole time.

Here I am, out in the middle of nowhere on the Blue Star highway in CA.  I guess the Mojave Desert isn't nowhere, but it sure in the hell felt like it.  I realized that I don't take to well to taking pictures at night where the flash is required.  You need to tilt my ass to get a good one...just a tip.

No friggin' respect!  We decided to sleep for a few hours at a rest stop in the Mojave Desert and I had to take a piss real fierce like.  I was just standing there getting my relief on when I hear the camera snap.  Those idiots have no respect for a man during his "private time".  I think they were jealous that I don't need to hold my johnson while dousing out the urinal infernos.  They don't call me flat wooley for nuthin'.  No Bluetooth but I'm still hands free.

Peer pressure?  You have no idea.  The boys took advantage of my physical condition and told me that if I wanted to hang with this posse that I was gonna' have to do my part.  Those bastards made me climb into this damned machine to gank candy...right in front of a C.H.P. sub-station.  What the hell!

After I was done snaggin' snacks...I decided to scout around.  I found this huge cockroach while I was out.  I was going to see if the guys would let me keep it as a pet, but before I could open my mouth, WillyD had stomped on it.  WTF?!? Dude, that thing just taught me the meaning of life in five!

B.B. found me a decent flat chick...she didn't say much, but something about her felt very familiar...maybe it was the way she held her arms out like I do.  It was going all good, right up until the point where I asked her why she only had one leg.  She told me she had no legs and that was the end of that.

The rest of the posse crashed out but I stood watch...literally.  I swiped B.B.'s camera and snapped this pict as the sun started to rise in the desert.  It was glorious.  I'm out on the open road, with some decent folks, riding motorbikes and soaking in a good desert sunrise.  This is just tits.

I was getting antsy and wanted to hit the road again around 5am.  I tried to wake up V.D., but he said he was gonna' light me on fire if I bothered him one more time...then WillyD mumbled something about duct taping me to his front tire if I didn't shut the hell up.  These dudes have no idea of what I'm capable of....never underestimate the power of flat wooley...nope.

Well, I didn't shut up so V.D. made me ride a stint in his saddle bag.  This really chapped my hide.  Screw that!  I got so pissed off that I reached up and twisted one of his saddlebag pins out just to get revenge.  I figured that they would never make me ride in that god forsaken hard bag ever again if I annoyed them enough, however, in hind sight, it might have not been such a great idea.   

The bag cut loose doing 90 on I-40 and I almost ate it.  The only thing that kept me from getting dumped on the hot asphalt was the rear pin.  It was the only thing holding the bag on the bike...whew...that was too close.  I really don't feel like getting any flatter than I already am...oh hell no.

Well, we made it to Arizona.  AZHD met us along the way.  He is a really put together dude.  He said I could crash at his pad, and  he even found me a bike to ride around while I was out there.  He also said he wanted to introduce me to some of his drinking buddies.

We downed a few.  Here are my new drinking buddies.  Wino-Dillo and....damn....I forgot the other guys name.  Ok, honestly, I dug Wino-Dillo, but the dude on my right side in this picture just creeped me out.  All he did was sit there and stare at me......with that stupid ass look on his face.  I'd ask him a question and get nothin' back...just "the stare".  (Something is really wrong with that dude...I don't think I saw him blink once while I was there.)

Well...no luck with the flat chicks up to this point.  I'll post some AZ pictures here.  Hey, check this out.  Guess who got to be the flat witness for Flat AZHD and Flat Harley-Nana during their awesome union?  Next I'll update you on the wedding reception...it was a good time.  I even got to see V.D. and WillyD sporting Hawaiian shirts.  Never thought I would see that day.