Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Flat and Wooley Free Once Again... Rolling Out Tomorrow!

LayLay is at the door to greet us. I didn’t know how to react when she greeted MonRoad with open arms, after all, two dolls in the same house! Inside drinks were waiting. She even made an extra one for MonRoad. Before I knew it, LayLay was all over MonRoad about where she got her beautiful plastic lip smile. Too much TV I think. I felt like I was being left out flat! KT just stood there and said surprisingly, “this wasn’t suppose to turn out this way….”

KT and I made an exit and with our drinks, went out to wipe down the bikes.

In just a few short minutes Bouncer Duck came in to get us, quaking there’s a “mutha flater cat fight”. I took my stiff legs and ran out and there they were all over each other. All I could think of is, “They are fighting over me…OVER ME--YES!!“ I felt like a proud Flat all of a sudden. Never had two dolls fight over me.

I tried to help stop it, but...

I got wiped out by the paper hula skirt...
 KT went over to break it up. She’s known MonRoad for a couple of years now and never seen this side of her. “What the hells going on!”, KT shouts. “She’s got bigger olives than I do!“, MakLayLay said.

Bouncer Duck agreed... she does!
In seconds, I went from flat to flatter. I kept my head up though… didn’t want to look down and see my flatness so I said I had a long day and off to the card I went while the chicks made up and partied. I had nightmares of never getting blown up again…that’s just between you and me though. Remember, What happens on the Flat roads… stay on the Flat roads….

The result of too much drama after a great day of riding

MonRoad wanted to take me around OC and she wakes up early too., so we ditched out early. KT doesn’t like to get up early anyway.

Angels Stadium

The Grove

We visited the Wild Val villa.


A little romance on the bridge

We went to a concert

Wild Val in her lounge chair.  She just loved me!
In new I was in the right joint!

The turtle even checked me out

At the beach with my new buddies from Arizona

Laguna Beach with my chick of the day

Hell Yea!
Nice break

I got a warning to put my helmet on.  I tried to get away with it by being a flat...didn't work.

We got home and MonRoad called it a goodbye. After all, she is a biker chick and had roads to ride of her own. So she called Phil Throttle and off they went. Watching them ride off together got me into thinking it was time for me to take the flat road to the next stop too.

Waiving goodbye in the background. 
 I packed LayLay away in our card and asked KT to send me on… like the gypsy flat biker I am…I am ready to move on and discover the world.

I had a great time with KT and I know she had a great time with me. We both learned lessons this trip. Mine was, every chick wants me in their bra, and KT said she was wrong about LayLay and didn’t mind her after all. She actually respects her. KT realized LayLay accepted my flatness, my flat and wooley free lifestyle, and MonRoad’s road friendship… all through the love of riding the flat biker style. What could be better for a roving biker dude like me!  LayLay whispered to me later that KT thought she would be a really good ol’ lady. I don’t know about that… I still want to be a bachelor and still have visions of Wrench Wench in my flat head thanks to the VD gang. I may have to revisit KT if that issue ever comes up….

Until then,
I’m Having a Happy Flat & Wooley Free Road Trailzzzzz Trip!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Breast Of Friends!

Off we went to breakfast to meet The Dick & Jane Gang, leaving MakLayLay at poolside with a Bloody MaryLay.  KT wanted me to meet them for breakfast before we went out on our ride for the day because they have Flats too!!! Dick & Jane show up at the coolest places here! They even have a car!

Dick & Jane with their VW

Dick & Jane Gang
I'm at the head of the table
After eating we rode with them for awhile and ended up in the canyon at Cooks Corners. We spotted David and his buddy on their baggers. I heard all about David’s bike being in Baggers Magazine. The license plate really made me a proud Flat to meet him.  
Me & David G.

Done with the biker ritual socializing, it was time to get back on the road again, and after a few moments of shuffling things around in the rear of her bike, KT pulled out some junk in her trunk and turned around and shouted, “SURPRISE”! There she was standing with an awesome tricked out trike. She told me she rented it from ACME Renta Trike For Flats! All custom, with screaming pipes.  Move over David, just kidding bro...

Even though I didn’t mind, riding behind KT Did‘s ass, I really wanted to check one of these out. My legs were feeling a bit stiff, so we did a couple of minor mods with tape, and I also had to wear a brain bucket…
Before & After
Packing It In Behind KT and ACME Renta Trike For Flats (with mods)
Helmet Mug Shot
 When we got back to the digs, MakLayLay came out to greet us. She looked just beautiful after a day in the sun. I showed her what I got and she wasn’t too happy. She couldn’t go riding cause she didn’t bring her biker clothes. KT just curled her lip up at her and called her a “whiney hulaylay” under her breath., “like she would ride anyway”, she said. I still don’t think KT likes her much, but she is still okay with her. Can't blame her when she was only expecting me. She gave her a drink and handed her the remote. The OC Housewives were getting botox and she wanted to know all about it. So KT and I went out and relaxed before we ended the day.

I woke up the next morning to KT yelling “KSU time“! Grrrr…..I thought she hated getting up early! Helmet on, we went up the canyon and onto the side of the road to take photos of the riders coming in for a breast cancer awareness ride.  My favorite kind of event! I got to enjoy my V-8 and donuts with KT in the morning and listening to her talk of how she wants to meet all her blogger friends. It was nice sitting on our trunks eating our junk waiting for the ride to come by. Just a couple of trikers hanging out roadside...

The ride from AFHD along Santiago Canyon

Lynda W.
Me & Lynda saying hello
Her friend Lynda pulled over when she saw me. She couldn’t wait to meet me and put me in her breastessesss and she gave me those big girls hug! I am trying to be a gentleman biker around these chicks, makes a flat want to cry.  Except KT may be on to me a bit, I don't think the others know about my past yet.  Don't be a rat on Flat.

All day long at Cooks we partied and had fun. I met Joy and Karlene and their gang, Lauren the body builder, Roy & Carolyn, the bartender, some great tattooed chicks, and of course Lynda. Even met Steve who made my Jack Shit t-shirt. Every time I turned a flat head I met someone. I got to watch a fashion for asses show and watched the wet t-shirt contest too. KT said since I had to stay and watch that… she would have to stay to watch the fireman’s hot bod contest too. Disco & Lauren compared bellies and an old guy got nearly naked on stage… kinda something I would like to forget…sshhhhshhh, don’t tell KT, I think she wanted to see what she had to look forward to… sad to see her face when that all happened . All she could say is “I have to blow that one out on a ride”! Think she said it a few times too…. Here are some more pics of my girlzzz.

I tried to drink a beer but KT took me away from it after awhile...

After a day in the hot sun, I wondered why I wore laminated jeans. Just doesn’t feel good after awhile. I was getting all sticky and decided to tell KT time to go.  So after a day of auctions, celebrities, watching T & A, seeing Disco fall off the stage, and giving to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for the best place to lay my Flat head…its time to get outta here.

We get to the trikes...  “Hey Girl!”, KT says smiling. “Flat, meet Marilyn MonRoad”, a good friend of mine, she belongs to the BBB Doll Gang” (Biker Bitch Barbies). “I read your blog and wanted to meet you”, she says. I stood there and couldn’t move my legs, or my arms, … I felt like a flat man waiting for a lamination melt down. I was wishing I had VD or Willy D around at this moment for some man junk talk.  KT had to shove her boot at me to snap out of it. “Nice to meet such a beautiful doll", I say.  KT then tells me we are all going over to the house and MonRoad is riding with me.
Marilyn MonRoad

KT just smiled with that shitty grin she makes, and off to the house we went without a second thought of what might lie ahead…

Friday, July 15, 2011

Flat Is Relaxing in So. California with KT Did!

Man its been great so far with everyone, and even after the wedding and great times I had with the VD Gang and The Arizonians it was time to move on.  With all these fun days past, I couldn't wait for another bitchin time.  As much as VD, BB and the gang didn't want to let me go...I was getting flat antsy again. 

Main St., Salinas, CA

KT got to meet everyone.  It was sad to say goodbye.
When KT picked me up I was resting in my card Lady R gave me, at Rollick’s Specialty Coffee and Internet.  The best coffees on the West Coast!  We were introduced and boy was she surprised!  She didn't know that LayLay was with me.  Nope... when she opened the card and found her sleeping in there with me, she said "What The Flat!" and called her a "bitch".  She still isn't sure of her, but has accepted her because, well... I just like the chick.  KT was heard saying "but where the hell is her riding clothes!?...she's a fricking hula chick"!!  I know she is just worried about me being used... I don't mind. I'm a Flat bachelor living wooley free!

Jack Shit has is known for his t-shirts being seen all over the world...I hope I am too!
KT gave me a fresh I Know Jack Shit t shirt and strapped me on the bike and away we rode southbound.  The ride to Southern California was a good one from The Bay Area to Orange County. That L.A. traffic really sucked though.  I have experienced it now... don't need to anymore.  So, I was glad to get to KT's house after that jam.  She showed me around, and boy was I sure glad to see a pool!  LayLay decided to freshen up and that gave KT and me time get to know each other. She gave me a present of a tye dye t-shirt and said Welcome to Southern California.

"Dunno about this hippie thing...don't want to hurt her feelings though"
We decided to take a swim.  I couldn't get my clothes off so we made some adjustments and in the water I went!

KT made an underwater Flat Scuba Tank! Cooool!

After the swim, LayLay came out and we spent some private time in the shade under the palminapot.  I think she really likes me, but I have to convince KT of that still.  Its doesn't matter to me what KT thinks though...this chick has some hula love for me! Dig it!... She let me touch her hula skirt at KT's house!!!

We decided to lay out a little.  KT tried to take my boots off, but it just wouldn't happen.  So she decided to join me in poolside boots instead of the indigenous California flip flops

Me, LayLay & KT

KT yelled "Martini Time" and in she went to mix up a couple of drinks.  While she went inside I went for the move.  Yep.. makeout time!!
Not long after we started making out we were busted.  Evidently KT has Bouncer Duck to keep things around her house in control.  She's not even sure how old LayLay is!!  Either do I... I could be in deep bachelor crap! I'll think about that later... I'm having too much fun now anyway.

Bouncer Duck

Flat & LayLay posing table top style.
So we got our martinis and really had great conversation on riding and where we are going this weekend.  LayLay got bored and went to watch the OC Housewives on TV.  KT rolled her eyes but didn't say anything... just smirked a little as she left.  I'm glad she went inside too, I spent quality time with KT and I like the way she makes a martini.

My garden bench... Kinda sissy but it works.  I like my own martini glass better (see it on the right.)

I think I could get used to this...
 It was great taking time to relax.  As you can see in the pic I am just limbo in my sissy bench.  Tomorrow is a new day and  I'm excited to get out and do some riding.  I will be back to write about it in a day or two... 

Flat Rides KT Did Trailzzz...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Goodbye VD, Hello KT!

Well....it's be a bitchin' time so far, but this leg of my journey is over.  I guess I might miss WillyD, B.B., and Carol....but that VD dude?  pffftttt....see yah later sucka'!

Flat Wooley can't hang his hat any one place for too long so it's time to move on.  Yup...Flat has gotta' mosey on down the road.  I was trying to figure out where in the country I wanted to go next when this hot chick shows up at the coffee shop. (Damn....I'm gonna' miss all that free coffee....maybe I shouldn't leave just quite yet.?)

Anyhow...here is my new asphalt angel.  K.T. showed up on the scene and said she would take me through the next leg of my awesome U.S. Tour!  She promised me an awesome time.  (So did V.D., but did you see my ass at any strip clubs?....no.)  MakLayLay decided to tag along....errrrr....pfffftttt.

I'll miss the posse.  As you can tell V.D. is a little broken up about me leavin' and all...but check out the big ass smile on K.T.'s face!  (I think she digs me.)  LadyR sent me off with a pretty sweet card about how much she was gonna' miss me.  Check this out....V.D. is such a cheap ass penny pincher that he just added his name to that card.  Now I think that damned card is gonna follow me everywhere. (Cheap ass MoFo.)

Flat Wooley travels on!  I'll update you all soon here.  I'm headin' south!  Swimmin' pools, Movie stars.....who know what I'm gonna see next.  And to think....I have not spent one copper from my own bag this whole time.  People sure are hospitable in this country...yes they are.