travelin man

i hated having to leave bob and this crazy thing city peeps around here call a daily commute, but, had to do it. ive got a few pics to throw up, where we've been, what we've been doing, but time is moving faster than can be controlled. so, while ms m is dealing with the best of the worst of her fiscal year end processing and inventory at work, i knew it was time to be on my way.

here's the last pocket ride with ms m for now.

rolling on to the next destination, and im digging the journey!

ms m's place, wtf!

knock knock, ms m? ive arrived :D 

holy shit! dude! is this how you greet people?

dont tell ms m, i don't wanna give her ideas, but im thinking shes making me earn my keep. what is this calif cuisine shit?

pffftt, she even made me work. she keeps saying gas aint cheap.

and now look, maclaylay is wanting to go for a spin! all these biker chicks are starting to wear off on her...

oh shit, its that cinco dude again! damn what kind of crazy place is this?!?...

Goodbye VD, Hello KT!

Well....it's be a bitchin' time so far, but this leg of my journey is over.  I guess I might miss WillyD, B.B., and Carol....but that VD dude?  pffftttt....see yah later sucka'!

Flat Wooley can't hang his hat any one place for too long so it's time to move on.  Yup...Flat has gotta' mosey on down the road.  I was trying to figure out where in the country I wanted to go next when this hot chick shows up at the coffee shop. (Damn....I'm gonna' miss all that free coffee....maybe I shouldn't leave just quite yet.?)

Anyhow...here is my new asphalt angel.  K.T. showed up on the scene and said she would take me through the next leg of my awesome U.S. Tour!  She promised me an awesome time.  (So did V.D., but did you see my ass at any strip clubs?....no.)  MakLayLay decided to tag along....errrrr....pfffftttt.

I'll miss the posse.  As you can tell V.D. is a little broken up about me leavin' and all...but check out the big ass smile on K.T.'s face!  (I think she digs me.)  LadyR sent me off with a pretty sweet card about how much she was gonna' miss me.  Check this out....V.D. is such a cheap ass penny pincher that he just added his name to that card.  Now I think that damned card is gonna follow me everywhere. (Cheap ass MoFo.)

Flat Wooley travels on!  I'll update you all soon here.  I'm headin' south!  Swimmin' pools, Movie stars.....who know what I'm gonna see next.  And to think....I have not spent one copper from my own bag this whole time.  People sure are hospitable in this country...yes they are.

Another Chapter, Another Party

Well...I'm almost finished with my adventure with V.D., B.B, Carol, WillyD, AZHD, Harley Nana, Missy BFG, Hagred, Boston and Caveman.  It's been killer thus far.

Just before I left the reception...I scored a necklace with a flip-flop just my size....now I only have to go find the other one so I have a complete pair.  The next problem will be, "How in the hell do I get my damned boots off!"

We left the reception and headed out across town to hook up with Hagred.  It was his B-Day so I figured me and my new gal could crash it and get some free beer out of the whole deal.  As you can see here MakLayLay (my new squeeze) and I found the free beer.

Here MakLayLay and I are ripped off our asses.  That's Brother Hagred.  He walked inside his pad and said he was going to go put on his birthday suit.  We were a little nervous at first, but his birthday suit was a pair of coveralls.  Love them coveralls!   I also found out Hagred was a self ordained minister....I found myself saying, "I do"....what the hell!  I'm married now?  WTF!  The good thing is I have 72 hours to annul...I'll decide then.

Here is Hagred setting up the toast to my new union with MakLayLay.  Someone almost accidently lit MacLayLay's grass skirt on fire with a lighter.

After our day of the parties we headed over to AZHD and Harley Nana's house and talked the rest of the night....I think until at least 4 in the AM.  It was a good time for sure.  What really interested me was AZHD's rant on how evil smaller folks can really be when they want to.  I was offended at first but then I realized he was talking about younger folks...not smaller folks.

The temps were almost 115 on that day so we decided that a ride out to the canyon was out, plus we stayed up too late the night before.  We just lounged around AZHD's house until it cooled off a bit then rode back to CA a day early.  V.D. was pretty annoyed that this was his 11th attempt at making the Grand Canyon.  He has never seen it.  I hope attempt number twelve let's him actually get a glimpse of that hole in the ground.  I was pretty bummed myself, but Harley Nana said she wanted to give it shot in October.  That made V.D. grin and it seemed to help calm him down just a bit.

After riding most of the night down I-40 we crashed at a motel around 5am.  Slept until 10am and finished the rest of the trip on the backroads.  We found some awesome scenery along the way.

I'm almost done with this leg of my journey.  I have made a buttload of new friends.  Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter of my travels.

Flat Wooley At The Reception

Sorry...been busy lately.  You will probably be able to figure out why after you check out this entry in my travel journal.  AZHD and Harley Nana were kind enough to put me up for a couple of days at their pad.  Arizona is hot...116 degrees while I was out there...I started to peel.  Nuthin' a little bit of tape can't fix I guess.

So here are some of the peeps I met and some picts of the reception for AZHD and Harley Nana.

Well...the boys introduced me to Missy BFG (left) and Boston (right).  I don't mean to be sayin' nothin' here but these gals are not my idea of flat....for sure!  I guess if a man is going to get pulled away from watching NASCAR, this would be the type of distraction that he would pray for.

I gave it a whirl and these gals are totally cool.  Now...how many dudes can say they have done this shit?  Only Flat Wooley can score this kinda' action.

Here I am cleavage diving!  I think I have perfected the "stage dive".  I used to get hurt but this new way of doin' it is just tits!  Literally.

I finally met Caveman (BigD).  We had a long talk.  This dude was really cool...he freaked me out though.  He had a knack for dates.  He gave me the exact date that Elvis died...along with James Dean.  "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry."...then the dude tells me that song was written for Buddy Holly after his death, Feb 3rd 1959.  He invited me to a party afterwards.

Girls, girls, girls....there is enough Flat Wooley for everyone....no worries.  Flat Wooley is always rigid.



Here are two of the posse members.  Carol (left) and the infamous WillyD (right)  Good people for sure...this is the first time I have ever seen WillyD dawn anything but a t-shirt. (I still think he is related to Sam Elliot but he won't cope to it.)



I know I drank way too much of the bubbly....my vision started to get blurry and I decided I needed to cut myself off before I really got outta' hand.

Check this out!  Can you see it!  That is love man!...That's Harley Nana (left) and AZHD (right).  It was nice seeing two people kick ass on all that is wrong in this world.  There is love all around and I dig it.

Here Boston and I are cuttin' up the rug.  That girl really knows how to get down.  I let her lead though because I didn't want to step on her toes so she gave me a kick ass lap dance...errr...at least I think this is how it's done?

Here the Bride and Groom are having a dance with the G-kids.   It was a special time for this family and I enjoyed every second of the view.

Here the gang is doin' the Electric Slide...I'm in there also...down there somewhere.  B.B. and Boston kept forgetting about me and almost stomped on me more than a few times.  Then....I saw her...check out that flat chick at your 9 o'clock!

I saw this flat ass wall flower just hanging out over in the corner.  She thought I was really cute and wanted to take me home...but she's just a little too filled out for my taste. (sigh)...need to find the perfect flat mate for this adventure...then she introduced me to her sister...

Wholly cow!  I think this is the one!   She's friggin' perfect man!  We hit it off so well...and she couldn't keep her hands off me.  Her sister wound up taking off with Caveman...(I can't imagine the things that are going to happen to her in his shop...but that ain't my problem..she's a big girl.)

....and to top it all off, I was honored to be the witness at Flat AZHD and Flat Harley Nana's union.  It was beautiful in Flat Hawaii and the wedding was perfect...just perfect.  Hmmm....the whole wedding thing has got me thinkin'?

Quest For Flat Chicks

We headed out on the motorbikes towards Arizona around 6pm.  WillyD took the lead and I and V.D. were next, followed by B.B. and Carol in the chase vehicle.  I was really hoping to find myself a flat chick someplace along the way.

V.D thought there might be a nice flat chick in this vending machine.  Snow white and a few hot chicks were there, along with some slutty tatoo gals, but Flat Wooley has never paid for a girl, and never will, so I told WillyD and V.D. to take the quarters and shove them up their asses.

Here I am hanging out with my two new road compadres.  We had burnt almost 200 miles of asphalt at this point.  The weather wasn't bad at all.  I was trying to sit my ass down, but for some reason these two dirt heads made me stand the whole time.

Here I am, out in the middle of nowhere on the Blue Star highway in CA.  I guess the Mojave Desert isn't nowhere, but it sure in the hell felt like it.  I realized that I don't take to well to taking pictures at night where the flash is required.  You need to tilt my ass to get a good one...just a tip.

No friggin' respect!  We decided to sleep for a few hours at a rest stop in the Mojave Desert and I had to take a piss real fierce like.  I was just standing there getting my relief on when I hear the camera snap.  Those idiots have no respect for a man during his "private time".  I think they were jealous that I don't need to hold my johnson while dousing out the urinal infernos.  They don't call me flat wooley for nuthin'.  No Bluetooth but I'm still hands free.

Peer pressure?  You have no idea.  The boys took advantage of my physical condition and told me that if I wanted to hang with this posse that I was gonna' have to do my part.  Those bastards made me climb into this damned machine to gank candy...right in front of a C.H.P. sub-station.  What the hell!

After I was done snaggin' snacks...I decided to scout around.  I found this huge cockroach while I was out.  I was going to see if the guys would let me keep it as a pet, but before I could open my mouth, WillyD had stomped on it.  WTF?!? Dude, that thing just taught me the meaning of life in five!

B.B. found me a decent flat chick...she didn't say much, but something about her felt very familiar...maybe it was the way she held her arms out like I do.  It was going all good, right up until the point where I asked her why she only had one leg.  She told me she had no legs and that was the end of that.

The rest of the posse crashed out but I stood watch...literally.  I swiped B.B.'s camera and snapped this pict as the sun started to rise in the desert.  It was glorious.  I'm out on the open road, with some decent folks, riding motorbikes and soaking in a good desert sunrise.  This is just tits.

I was getting antsy and wanted to hit the road again around 5am.  I tried to wake up V.D., but he said he was gonna' light me on fire if I bothered him one more time...then WillyD mumbled something about duct taping me to his front tire if I didn't shut the hell up.  These dudes have no idea of what I'm capable of....never underestimate the power of flat wooley...nope.

Well, I didn't shut up so V.D. made me ride a stint in his saddle bag.  This really chapped my hide.  Screw that!  I got so pissed off that I reached up and twisted one of his saddlebag pins out just to get revenge.  I figured that they would never make me ride in that god forsaken hard bag ever again if I annoyed them enough, however, in hind sight, it might have not been such a great idea.   

The bag cut loose doing 90 on I-40 and I almost ate it.  The only thing that kept me from getting dumped on the hot asphalt was the rear pin.  It was the only thing holding the bag on the bike...whew...that was too close.  I really don't feel like getting any flatter than I already am...oh hell no.

Well, we made it to Arizona.  AZHD met us along the way.  He is a really put together dude.  He said I could crash at his pad, and  he even found me a bike to ride around while I was out there.  He also said he wanted to introduce me to some of his drinking buddies.

We downed a few.  Here are my new drinking buddies.  Wino-Dillo and....damn....I forgot the other guys name.  Ok, honestly, I dug Wino-Dillo, but the dude on my right side in this picture just creeped me out.  All he did was sit there and stare at me......with that stupid ass look on his face.  I'd ask him a question and get nothin' back...just "the stare".  (Something is really wrong with that dude...I don't think I saw him blink once while I was there.)

Well...no luck with the flat chicks up to this point.  I'll post some AZ pictures here.  Hey, check this out.  Guess who got to be the flat witness for Flat AZHD and Flat Harley-Nana during their awesome union?  Next I'll update you on the wedding reception...it was a good time.  I even got to see V.D. and WillyD sporting Hawaiian shirts.  Never thought I would see that day.

Arizona Road Trip - Gettin' Ready

Well...I made it out to Arizona and back. It was a long and strange trip.  Over the next few days I'm gonna' tell you my story...mostly in pictures.

Let me get started here.  As you all pretty much know, I started this leg of my U.S. Tour from the Central Coast of California.  The first thing I needed to do was to hook up with a new bike.  Well, the Wrench Wench had one and said I could use it on the trip....but it was gonna' cost me big time.



The Wrench Wench was flaunting her bike right in front of me....what's a poor boy to do.  I did the only thing a guy could do in my position...being flat and all.  I needed to utilize my other assets.



As you can see...I managed to sweet talk her into letting me use her motorbike.  The only way I could get her off, was to make her fall off....which I did without too much effort...then she wanted to marry me....that was the end of that lickity split.



V.D. and I worked on my blog for awhile...V.D. shoved my ass outta' the way because he said I couldn't type worth a shit.  Geez...WTF, it's not like I can span my flat ass fingers across the damned keyboard dude...and walking from one end of the keyboard to the other is exhausting.

I enjoyed a cup o' joe while he was doing his thing. I was going to soak in the java hot tub style, but V.D. said it might stain my clothes...what a buzz killer.  I'm gonna' slap the crap outta' this dude if he doesn't start showing me some respect!

WillyD needed my help to rig his bike in the bed of his truck.  He said he didn't plan on using it, but one never knows.  He had a sweet set up I have to admit.  The damned bike barely fit with inches to spare.  WillyD is the king of functional kluge.

Here is V.D. and I getting ready to hit the road.  (Damn...this dude needs to take a shower.  I've sniffed hogs that were less offensive.)  I'm ready to hit the asphalt no doubt.  Can't wait to get on the road again.

Well....that was the start.  Wrench Wench and I really didn't hit it off so well.  I mean she was cool and all but a little too filled out for a dude like me.  V.D. and WillyD, figured they could find me some flat chicks on the road.  And so the "Quest For Flat Chicks" began....I'll update you on the next post.  Flat Wooley out!

I'm On The West Coast!

Whew!   I finally made it to sunny California!  I'm bushed!...you would be too if you had to go through what I had to go through to get here.  (Damned x-ray machines are shrink'in my goods man!)

V.D., B.B, WillyD were all there to meet me.  I feel a rock star...well, maybe because I am, but I don't like to brag.

Right after I arrived, BobSkoot showed up all the way from Vancouver, Canada!  He's a good dude.  His wife, Mrs. Skoot couldn't keep her hands off me...can you blame her?

Well, I'm gonna crash for a bit and hang out at the coffee shop for a day...then I'm heading out on a road trip to AZ with the posse.  I'm stoked man!  I think I'm hooking up with MQ01, Caveman, Boston, Arizona Harley Dude, Harley Nana...hell, who knows who else I'm gonna' meet out there!  Hope these folks can find me a damned bike to ride around on....I miss LadyR already...just sayin'.  She really showed me a good time and true southern hospitality...besides...these people are kinda f'ed up from what I can tell...they are trying to hook me up with this chick who goes by the Wrench Wench.